The Story of Our June Baby

Disclaimer: Writing is cathartic for me.  Writing is a way for me to share my feelings, my emotions and to remember tiny details that matter to no one but me.  I've always been brutally honest on my blog.  Please keep that in mind if you choose to read this.  There are some semi-graphic details. But if you've been a reader, you know I shared images of C and E being pulled from my belly during a c-section.  Nothing I've written is that graphic in a medical sense, but perhaps graphic in an emotional sense.  I have posts that I wrote along the way with this pregnancy. Posts that I thought I would share when we publicly announced we were expecting Baby W3.  But those posts don't seem right to post anymore.  Those posts, like with previous stories from C and E, were meant for Baby W3 to read to know her story.  Instead, I've written a letter of sorts to Baby W3.  To me.  To you.  To whomever reads this.  It shares the highs and the lows from the very beginning to the very end.  It's long, because if you've read my blog you already know brevity isn't my strong suit!

*****

Dear Baby W3,

Where to even begin?  I honestly don't know.  Since I was pregnant with E, I was talking about you.  Once we had E, I was waiting for my first post partum cycle.  I was hoping and praying I had been magically healed and we'd get pregnant on our own.  I was taking ovulation tests over the summer.  I was talking to RCW (your daddy) about when we should visit our fertility doctors.  We were trying.  We were trying to make you.  Unfortunately, despite 2 successful pregnancies and 2 healthy babies, I was not cured.  We weren't going to be one of those couples this time.  We were going to need medical help again.  We wanted you.  So badly.

In mid to late August we waited.  We waited and we waited for my next cycle to start.  The cycle that was going to be YOUR cycle.  The cycle that we would call the doctors to get the ball rolling.  We waited.  28 days passed.  30 days passed.  35 days passed. I even peed on a stick to see if we'd gotten lucky on our own.  Nope.  We started talking about calling the doctor to take medicine to start my cycle.  We waivered.  We thought maybe NOT getting my cycle was a sign.  Maybe we weren't suppose to try for you.  We started to have doubts.  Were we being selfish to try for another baby when we already had C and E?  Could we handle 3 under 3?  We went back and forth with pros and cons for a good week.  I prayed to God.  I prayed for an answer, for a sign.  We didn't know what to do.

Then on September 3, RCW's birthday, my cycle came.  On its own.  This was it.  I truly believed it was the sign I had been praying for.  I mean on RCW's birthday after a good 40+ days?!  I excitedly called RCW at work and told him and asked, "Do I call our RE?"  He said, "Yes!".  The next day I was en route to Cincinnati with C and E in tow for a baseline ultrasound.  Let me tell you, walking into a fertility clinic with 2 under 2 is probably one of the most awkward First World problems there is!  I didn't get to see our beloved Dr. S, but his partner, Dr. B.  I took this as a bad sign from the get go.  We ALWAYS saw Dr. S.  Dr. S got us C and E.  Dr. B. said things looked good to proceed and started me on the meds, Gonal - F injections and oral Femara.

For my next appointment, I did see Dr. S.  And I left C and E at home for the morning with RCW.  He took a morning off of work to stay home with them.  C was not a fan of the lights being turned off and his momma having an ultrasound.  Bubbles Guppies on the iPad couldn't even drown out his cries.  So they stayed home.  Dr. S confirmed that I was not responding to the meds as well this cycle.  He increased my doses.  He pushed dates back for insemination.  I had to order more Gonal-F.  I felt like a failure that my body was just not working, not even with crazy amounts of hormones.

We all got in the car bright and early around 6:30am on Wednesday, September 18 and drove to Cincinnati.  While I fed breakfast to C and E, did diaper changers and switched them from pjs into play clothes, RCW did his part.  Afterwards, we took C and E to a playground to get some energy out.  C fell, bumped his forehead and got a massive goose egg on his head. It was so bad we Googled concussions, put an ice pack from E's bottle cooler on it and discussed taking him to an ER in Cincinnati.  Could anything go right?!  Ultimately, we didn't take him to a doctor, we all went into the fertility clinic for my 10:30am IUI.  And it wasn't with Dr. S.  But with Dr. B.

I started the dreaded two week wait.  I looked for implantation bleeding.  I overanalyzed every little thing.  Did I feel sick?  Was I tired?  Did my boobs hurt?  Was I warmer than usual?  Was my nose running?  Every little thing.  The weekend before the 2 weeks was up, I almost tested a handful of times, but ultimately held out.  I told myself I would test at 12 days past IUI, when I had tested positive with C, even though I had tested positive with E at 11 days past IUI.  But I held out and waited.  On Monday, September 30, RCW's first day of his new job, I waited to send him off to work and then I peed in a cup and dipped the test stick in it and waited.  Not Pregnant.  I knew it.  I had a feeling it wouldn't work.  Things just had not lined up this cycle.  I was heartbroken.  I felt like a failure again.  I let RCW know.  It was a sad day.  I waited for my cycle to start and wondered what we would do next.

But Baby W3, you had other plans.  Just to be safe, so I could call the RE's office 2 weeks from the IUI, I tested again on Wednesday, October 2.  14 days from IUI.  I had a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, Monday's test was a false negative. Maybe I had implanted late.  Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.  And within seconds, that test flashed PREGNANT!  Oh the joy!  The shock!  The elation!  I was over the moon!  We were going to have a baby!  A June baby!  We were going to be those crazy people with 3 littles under 3!  OMG!  I was so so so happy.  In that moment, I knew how desperately I wanted you.  Why did I ever have doubts?!

I began to plan how to tell RCW the news.  I took some pictures.  A full crib.  It was an inside joke.  I literally put all 3 huskies, 2 babies and myself in C's crib.  Snapped a picture and got it ready to show RCW when he arrived home that night.  Then I called my RE's office and got lab work requests sent to my OB in town to have my beta level drawn.  I got to my OB's at 11am that morning for blood work.  I didn't get the beta results that day, but that night when RCW came home, I told him to scroll through some pictures on my phone from the day.  There was a series of messages telling him he was right (he held out hope and always said we would be pregnant), that we would need a bigger crib, then there was the picture of all of us in the crib and the final picture was a message showing our estimated due date, June 10, 2014.  He was so excited!  Just like me from that morning.  We hugged, kissed and started thinking about you, Baby W3.

The next day, a nurse called with my beta numbers.  33.4.  Super low.  To be pregnant, I needed to get 25 or above.  I did that, just barely.  The OB's nurse was hopeful.  The RE's nurse who called later to share the same news was not.  She'd been there before with too many others.  She was realistic, "Yes, you are pregnant.  For now.  Its a very low number.  Go test again in a week."  I was upset.  The beta was so so so low.  RCW, ever optimistic, told me what I held onto deep in my heart, Baby W3 was a girl.  You implanted late like many scientific studies suggest occur with girls and not boys.  That's why I had a negative test first and then a positive and its why the beta was so low.  Our little girl was here, but just fashionably late.  We held onto that thought for the next week.  All the while, symptoms progressed.  Exhaustion, nausea.  I became a furnace.  We still talked about our June baby and when we would tell people and how we would share the news. 

The following week, on October 9, I went back to my OB and had blood drawn again.  This time I didn't wait a day. I pestered the nurses at both my OB and RE's offices to get same day results.  My beta was 949.9!  I had a doubling time of 36 hours!  It was a great number and both nurses were very pleased!  This was it, we were pregnant with Baby W3!  I scheduled our first ultrasound for October 24 at 7 weeks, 2 days.

Over the next 2 weeks, my symptoms persisted, strongly!  I was so tired ALL day long.  I had waves of nausea hit first thing when I woke up, randomly throughout the day and when I went to bed.  I was STARVING and eating all the chocolate I could find.  My face was breaking out. My boobs got bigger.  My already poochy belly from having had 2 babies in 2 years started to poke out and my stretch marks started to get shiny again.  Seriously.  And I was a moody witch.  Poor RCW.  It was so bad that a dear friend, Auntie S, in the middle of a texting therapy session one day asked semi jokingly if I was pregnant and I couldn't lie to her.  I told her yes.  She was the first person to know.  With all of this, we continued to believe you were a girl.  The symptoms were so different from the boys.  You were causing drama already little girl!  Over those 2 weeks, we talked about looking for bigger houses next fall, getting pink things, would we try for Baby W4, and names.  Although to be fair, we always have names ready because we're crazy like that. We knew you were either going to be TCW or HCW, whether you were the girl we thought you would be or a little boy.  We talked about how I would handle taking 3 under 3 out shopping.  We talked about driving back to Virginia with 3 babies.  We talked about plans for having you on most likely June 3 with a planned c-section.  We started taking weekly bump pictures at 6 weeks to document your growth. We were so incredibly happy and excited to have you!

As October 24 approached, some nerves crept in.  I knew there was a possibility that something could be wrong.  There is always a possibility.  But I pushed it away. RCW didn't worry at all.  So much so, we decided he shouldn't take time off of his new job to attend the ultrasound.  He'd come when we had our first appointment with our OB locally instead of taking half a day off to drive to Northern Kentucky to our RE's satellite office.  He was that confident.

So on October 24, I spent the morning at home playing with C and E.  I fed them lunch and then at 1:30pm we piled in the car and drove to Florence, Kentucky.  I loaded C and E into the double stroller, in snow flurries, and went into the office.  I was put into an exam room.  I got C settled with a snack and Bubble Guppies on the iPad.  I got E settled with Sophie in the stroller and I undressed from the waist down and hopped onto the exam table.  My beloved Dr. S came in.  We did the scan.  Immediately, I looked for 2 babies. There was just 1.  But then within seconds, I knew something didn't look right.  I didn't see anything flickering like with C and E's first scans.  I didn't see a heartbeat.  C was screaming, which lead to E screaming.  Dr. S. finished looking and printing pictures, told me to get dressed and the boys settled and he'd come back to discuss things.  Once we were settled, he told me what I knew.  He didn't see a heartbeat.  He also told me I had a subchorionic hemorrhage, a tear where the placenta had torn away from the uterus wall.  I told him I was fairly certain I had implanted late.  He reassured me that perhaps I wasn't as far along as we thought then.  He reviewed the betas in my chart and said that yes, if I was only 6 weeks along it wasn't an issue that we didn't see a heartbeat.  He told me to expect to bleed due to the tear and to come back in 2 weeks for a second scan and sent me on my way.

As I pushed C and E out to the car and loaded them up, I became anxious.  My fears had been confirmed.  There wasn't a heartbeat.  I immediately tried calling RCW, but he was working in the field.  I couldn't find him.  I cried.  I was heartbroken.  There was not going to be a June baby.  I knew this cycle was crap.  RCW finally called and remained my loving, optimistic husband.  I remained the anxious, worry wart, realistic Stephanie I have always been and I bawled my eyes out on the almost 2 hour drive home.  It was over.  Everything we had hoped and prayed for and wanted was gone just like that.  Then I was angry.  I was angry at myself for pushing to try, I was angry at my body for sucking and not working, I was angry at God because why did He let us get pregnant only to take it away?  Why did He put me, us, through this roller coaster of no, yes, maybe, yes, maybe.  What was He trying to teach?  By the time we got home, I was numb.  I wanted to forget I was pregnant, I wanted to pretend it wasn't true.  I didn't want to think about anything else until our next ultrasound on November 7.

Another two week wait.  Every time I went to the bathroom I was anxious. Would I see blood?  Were my symptoms getting better, or worse? What was happening?  The tears came in waves.  I'd be fine, but then I'd put E down for a nap and see my sleeping baby boy and I'd lose it.  I'd kneel and pray and cry.  I begged and pleaded many times over the next 2 weeks with God to please please please save you, Baby W3.  Then I would pray for peace, for strength, for His love to get me through this.  Between October 24 and November 6, I processed and accepted that more than likely we would not be bringing home a baby in June.  I had set my mind to the fact that we would all go, including RCW this time, to the appointment on November 7, not see a heartbeat and Dr. S would prescribe some meds to induce labor and miscarry at home.  I had planned to have our 2013 Christmas card pictures taken at home at 9am Saturday, November 9 and then by 10am I would have popped the pills and started the cycle of a drug induced miscarriage.  This was my reality.  I would rather be heartbroken now with only a small glimmer of hope for something different than to live like things were great and go through heartbreak all over again come our next appointment.  RCW didn't function like that.  From the get go, he maintained we had 3 littles.  He never gave up, he never let go of hope, he believed his baby girl would make it and prove her momma wrong.  Unfortunately, because of that mentality things hit him a bit harder than me when it occurred.

Because we did lose you, Baby W3.  You are no longer with us.  But it wasn't due to medicine.  No, my body finally did something right.  Ironic, isn't it?  After spotting for a few days, which I now assume was the tear bleeding out, I took it easy ALL day Wednesday, November 6.  I didn't bleed all day long.  I was amazed.  I even began to think maybe, just maybe, things would be ok.  C took an extra long nap that day.  Before I went to get him up at 5pm, I went to the bathroom.  And it had started. I was bleeding heavily. I wasn't cramping or hurting, but I knew it was beginning.  I got C up, I called RCW and asked when he would be home and I started to cook dinner.  By 5:30pm, I was in pain.  But RCW wasn't home yet and now E was up too.  I had 2 babies and dinner on the stove cooking.  I couldn't crawl into a ball in bed and hide under the covers.  I kept frequenting the bathroom, bleeding and passing clots.  I kept locking C out which elicited tears and knocks on the door because he is never locked out of the bathroom from me.  But he didn't need to see what I was seeing.  E played happily on the living room floor all the while.  RCW finally arrived home and told me to go to bed.  But I didn't.  I had to eat.  And it wasn't fair to burden him with feeding both boys dinner.  I was going to be cramping and in pain whether I was laying in bed or sitting at the dinner table eating with my family.  I chose to eat and have our regularly scheduled family dinner.    The night went on as usual, dinner, clean up, playing in the living room, pjs and bed.  We cut a few corners that night such as bath and books and bedtime came a bit quicker than usual.  During it all I was having pretty severe contraction like cramps and running to the bathroom every so often. 

Once the boys were down for the night, I didn't know what had passed or hadn't.  I knew our doctor would ask if we saw you, Baby W3, pass.  I kept looking, but couldn't distinguish anything.  RCW and I cuddled up on the sofa while I sat on a towel, a chuck pad that I had left over from E's c-section and we watched New Girl on DVR.  It was a hilarious episode, as most are.  But this one was funny!  So here's the thing with what I experienced losing you.  The sensation of something falling out of you, ie: all the clots, is not a fun experience for me.  I didn't like it.  I didn't like it at all.  And everytime I coughed, laughed or sneezed more would fall out.  As RCW and I sat watching New Girl to keep us laughing and not too focused on what was happening, RCW made me laugh.  He mocked a scene in the show and made me laugh hard.  And then I flinched and said, "Oh crap! More just fell out of me because you made me laugh!"  He paused the show, helped me gather all my towels around myself so I wouldn't leak on the floor and I waddled off to the bathroom. 

As I sat down and pulled down my pants, I saw you.  You had fallen out of me during that big belly laugh caused by your daddy.  You left us at 9 weeks, 1 day on Wednesday, November 6 around 8:30pm. I LOST it.  I wasn't laughing anymore, I was crying as hard as I've ever cried before.  It was over.  It was really, truly, no doubt about it, over.  You were gone.  Our Baby W3 was gone.  RCW heard me crying and came down the hallway.  I hadn't wanted him to see you, but I couldn't move.  I was just sitting there, hands over my face weeping for you, for me, for him.  Time seemed to stand still.  As soon as RCW came into the bathroom, he lost it.  And hearing your daddy cry real guttural tears.  Sigh.  It just made me cry that much harder.  He leaned over and held me and we cried together.  We didn't speak.  I don't know what he was thinking.  Heck, I'm not even sure I know what I was thinking.  We were grieving for you, our June baby.  Its a moment I will never forget and it was a moment that brought RCW and I together, stronger, more connected.  Babies do that.  Losing your baby together does that too.  Eventually, RCW went into action.  He helped me take off my pants and he folded things up and helped me clean up.  As he was moving you, I made myself speak.  I didn't know what he was going to do with you, but I knew I wanted to take you to the doctor tomorrow to inquire about running genetic testing to see if we could figure out why we lost you.  I simply stated in a whisper, "Maybe we should take it with us tomorrow."  RCW didn't say a word, he just continued to hide you from our sight and tucked you away for safe keeping in the bathroom.

We didn't finish New Girl that night.  We silently got ready for bed and turned off the lights and we both cried some more while holding each other.  We said I love you and each eventually went to sleep at some point.  We were together, but I knew RCW was shutting down.  He needed to process.  He needed to mourn on his own. He needed to not talk.  And for once, I didn't push him.

The next morning, Thursday, November 7, we tried to go about as usual.  I was sad.  But I had a strange sense of relief.  The limbo of the past few weeks of not knowing anything for sure, of going back and forth, had taken its toll on me and now I knew.  I was sad and I cried and I wanted you back.  But it was time to mourn now.  There were no more questions.  I knew the facts, finally.  I didn't like them, but I had relief that I knew them.  I texted and emailed some close momma friends to share the news.  I posted a Facebook status asking for prayers for us and sharing the verse that always gets me through our infertility journey, "For I know the plans I have for you," declared the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and future."  Jeremiah 29:11.  I emailed our parents and siblings.  I made bottles, made breakfast and took care of C and E.  I was still cramping and passing clots, but I had to be a momma to C and E.  They left very little time for me to wallow in self pity!  After lunch, I packed us all up in the car and after a pit stop at Three Dog Bakery to get pill pockets for Dallas, we went to pick up RCW from work.  It was time to head to our appointment.

Traffic was horrible.  We were 30 minutes late after getting off the interstate and taking back roads to get around the huge construction backup on 71.  We finally arrived and I told the nurse we had lost you.  We got settled in our exam room and Dr. S came in.  He greeted us, gave us his condolences and then he got to work.  In a painful and unexpected twist, he helped the final stages of the miscarriage along by cleaning me out.  It was more painful than either c-section and I was so thankful RCW decided to still attend so he was able to keep C and E occupied.  In hindsight, I'm glad he did it as I think I would have continued to be cramping and hurting for a couple more days if he hadn't.  But it was a physically painful experience, especially considering I wasn't anticipating it!  After he cleaned my cervix, he performed an ultrasound to check everything out.  He medically confirmed what we already knew, we had lost you.  But medically, things looked right. That was a silver lining.  After the exam, we discussed the next steps.  Dr. S said we could try again in January after a couple months of healing.  Dr. S said he would still perform IUI with shots on me since we know they can lead to healthy pregnancies and healthy babies.  We told him we had you, Baby W3, in the car and asked about genetic testing.  He didn't think it necessary and unfortunately since we were in their satellite office he didn't have the proper tools to take you from us.  We accepted it, even though we had been hoping for more.  Perhaps, in the end, its for the best that we don't know more details about you or why you left us so soon.  We know what we need to know.  We love you.  We wanted you so badly.  You made us so very happy for 9 weeks and 1 day!  We thought about you, planned for you and I had dreams about you.  We also know God had a reason.

I'm not angry anymore.  Again, I have a strange peace about the whole journey.  I know God has a plan for me and us and our family.  I believe with every ounce of my being that despite my wishes and preferences, adding to our family was not part of His plan for us right now.  And that sucks.  But I trust Him.  RCW does too.  We don't know what the future will hold.  We have mixed feelings about you, Baby W3, and this pregnancy.  Was it to show us how badly we want another baby?  Or was it to show us our family is complete?  I don't know.  I have my personal inner most beliefs, but RCW and I have not discussed the future.  While RCW isn't 'very sad' anymore, I have been checking in on him daily and he continues to be 'just a little sad'.  We aren't ready to think about jumping back on the fertility treatment wagon again right now.  We are still grieving in our own ways and together and healing physically and emotionally from losing you, Baby W3. 

Whether you come back to us here, or we don't meet again until years down the road in heaven, I know you're with God.  And as I've shared with RCW, you were our third loss on this journey, and after losing you, Baby W3, who we both so deeply felt were our little girl, well...we aren't so sure that we can have a girl anymore.  Maybe we just can't make a healthy baby girl.  I don't know.  Perhaps one day we'll be proven wrong, but I do believe that one day when we get to heaven, there will be at least 1, if not 3, little girls waiting to greet us.  You'll be there, Baby W3, waiting for me and your daddy.

Thank you for coming to us, even for just a short time.  You are a blessing.  We will continue to love you and grieve for you.  We will always remember you. You, this pregnancy, this experience will stay in our hearts forever.
 
XOXOX,
~Momma

Telling RCW

Once I saw the positive pregnancy test, I knew I had to come up with a fun way to tell RCW the good news.  I also knew I wanted to try and record his reaction since I had done that with C's announcement to him.  If you haven't noticed I'm trying my darnedest to make sure Baby W2 has all the same fun things C has.  So yes, that means I'm taking weekly pictures of C on Wednesdays and weekly pictures of me and the belly on Thursdays.  Never a dull moment around our house and a camera seems to always be flashing away!

Anyway, to tell RCW.  I was at a loss.  Should I make C a shirt to wear?  Should I make a sign?  I hadn't planned anything, but I knew I didn't want to wrap up the test and give it to him as a present like I did with C.  I wanted something new and different.  Finally that afternoon it hit!  Make a video montage.  We'd taken some videos of C recently - rolling, laughing, playing.  I would combine a few clips of C and then insert the video clip of me seeing the positive pregnant test.  I could have RCW watch the montage on the laptop and hopefully be tricky enough to have the camera set up and recording it all without him realizing since the camera and laptop often live on our kitchen table. 

It worked perfectly!  Enjoy the videos.

Up first, the montage I made for RCW.

And the video of RCW finding out he's a daddy of two!

Finding Out

After the IUI I just wasn't sure what to think.  Medically speaking it was a perfect IUI, but how could we be so lucky for it work on the first try when it took us so long to get C?!  I had the calendar in front of me and knew exactly when I should be looking for implantation bleeding.  I mean, I had it with C, I'd have it again, right?!  Well July 28 and 29 were the magic days.  I think I went to the bathroom a million times just hoping to see some hint of bleeding.  When I went to bed on the 29th and hadn't seen anything, my hopes of a baby weren't entirely dashed as I had been feeling very nauseous, excessively tired, had lower abdomen cramping on my left side, increased cervical mucus, a slightly elevated BBT and runny nose in the mornings.  While these little symptoms could mean a baby was being made, they could also mean a whole lot of nothing!

I kept willing myself not to pee on a stick.  But finally, I gave in.  The two week wait would be over on Thursday, August 2, but I went ahead and tested on Monday, July 30.  Sadly, I couldn't test with first morning pee (you know that magic time of day liquid!) because we didn't have any pregnancy tests at home.  Oh the shame!  I thought about it all day and knew I would test Monday afternoon.  I'd find out yes or no.  I'd more than likely see a NOT PREGNANT,  be sad, but then spend my afternoon playing with C and share the news with RCW when he got home.  I convinced myself doing it this way would be better than in the morning when we're rushing around, I'm home alone since RCW and C leave so early and then going to work being sad.  The timing was perfect.  So I left work at 3pm, picked C up from school and ran into CVS on the way home.  I'm sure the cashier chuckled at the sight of me with a 5 month old on my hip buying a 3 pack of pregnancy tests!

We came home and of course I had to video the moment!  I peed in a cup (didn't put that on film with the door shut this time!), set up the camera and hung out with C in the bathroom while we waited...

Enjoy the moment that I found out I'd be a mommy of 2!  And C's just plain cuteness.  And feel free to laugh at my shock and questioning of "What have we done?!"  It was overwhelming to say the least, I really didn't think it worked.  And don't judge my babytalk voice!

Up next, how I told RCW!

The Story of IUI#1, or #6, Depending on How You Look at It!

My entire cycle was medically perfect.  We did 5 days of oral Femara and then started 4 nights of Gonal-F injections alternating between 112.5 and 75.  I went back on CD9 (July 13) for another ultrasound which showed my ovaries were responding the way my RE hoped - slow and steady.  He told me to take 2 more nights of Gonal-F injections at 75 each night, so CD9 and CD10 and to come back CD12 (July 16) for another ultrasound.  When I arrived in Cincinnati, bright and early on Monday, July 16, our RE was pleased.  I had what he was looking for, 1 large follicle on my left measuring 19mm and a smaller measuring 15mm.  My right only produced 3 at 11mm each.  While our RE is very cautious with IUIs using injectables when it comes to multiples, he also wanted to make sure we weren't wasting our time or money, so he told me to use the last bit of our Gonal-F, a 75mL injection that night on CD12.

Then on CD13, we'd take Ovidrel, 36 hours before the IUI was scheduled, or 10:30pm and to try naturally as well that night.

We ventured up to Cincinnati, RCW and I together, after dropping C off at school on Thursday, July 19, CD15.  RCW was up first with his sperm sample.  Again, medically speaking it was beyond perfect.  After the wash, he had 99% motility and his count INCREASED to 116 million after the size of the sample was decreased down to what is needed for an IUI.  We had never had that happen before and were thrilled because his numbers looked better at this round than they did when we had C's IUI in June 2011!

 
At 10:30am, we were ushered into exam room 2, the same room where we had the IUI that created C.  While RCW played on his iPhone, I sat on the table and prayed, as I always do before an IUI.  I prayed for strength and courage and to be happy no matter what because we already had C.  Dr. S. came in quickly and we got the show on the road.  Just like with C, he told me he had to align my cervix.  I still find this so odd, because in our first 4 IUIs that was never mentioned or seemed to be an issue.  Once he aligned my cervix, which was the most painful part, he inserted the catheter and inseminated me!  Then Dr. S. and the nurse left RCW and I alone, while I laid on the table for my full 15 minutes.  And by 10:50am, we were on our way out!  Possibly as parents. Again!

We contemplated spending some extra time in Cincinnati, but knew in order to pick up C on time we had to be on the road no later than 2pm.  We did some shopping at HomeGoods to buy a cute little chair for C's 6 month photoshoot and called the Pottery Barn Outlet, which is a good hour north, to see if they had any Kids Anywhere Chairs, but they didn't.  We decided to continue with our Cincinnati IUI tradition and had a leisurely lunch at Maggiano's where we indulged in delicious Italian entrees and a dessert of tiramisu for RCW and creme brulee for me.  Then it was time to head home to get our little man from school, and I actually slept most of the way home.  Thanks RCW for driving!

I had taken off Friday from work, just like last time with C's IUI so I could have a weekend to rest and hopefully make a baby.  I know the RE doesn't require or even suggest bed rest with an IUI, but I've always felt like if I didn't and we got a BFN, I'd always wonder.  RCW was home and on C duty, Thursday night and Friday day.  But that weekend, RCW was working overnights on a state highway project so I was alone on C duty Friday night through Sunday afternoon due to RCW working at night and sleeping during the day.  While this IUI's weekend wasn't as full of straight up bed rest as in the past, I relaxed and did as little lifting as possible in hopes of making Baby W2!

So, the two week wait begins.  We've said prayers and know that if this was just a medical procedure, it would work because again, medically everything was perfection from my ovaries and follicle size to uterine lining and RCW's sperm count and motility.  But we all know it takes more than medicine to make a baby.  Here's hoping God's plan and our plan line up again this summer!

Here we go...Baby #2 (Originally written July 8, 2012)

First, thank you all so much for the comments, text messages, emails and Facebook messages!!! I appreciate each and every one of them!!  Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

Second, to quickly answer the couple questions I got about having Baby W2 so quickly after C since we had a c-section...My OB and RE both warned me that we shouldn't get pregnant so that we would have a EDD on or before 2/15/13.  I didn't get the 'wait a year to try', I got the 'don't have a baby before a year' warning.  We saw our RE on April 27 for the first consult and since I thought it would take us a while to get Baby W2, I would've started then if he'd let me, but he told me that the earliest I could call them to start the process would be when C turned 4 months, which was June 15.  At my first OB appointment last week, the only warning I got due to the quickness of this pregnancy was about a very slight and minimal risk, but very scary scenario if my scarring burst open due to going the VBAC route.  There is also risk with a VBAC if you have big babies who have big heads.  Hello Baby W2 being a triple threat.  But in all honesty, we aren't really looking at a VBAC.  I'm ok with a scheduled c-section, especially knowing it will make scheduling family to come out to watch and care for C that much easier and sorry, I want my 8 weeks of paid short term disability, not just the 6 weeks I'd get if we had a vaginal delivery.  I was scared of a vaginal from the beginning and always secretly hoped I'd have a c-section with C, so I'm fine going that route for Baby W2 too!  And if Tori Spelling can have back to back c-sections less than a year apart, so can I ;)


Now, as I did with C, I'm going to start at the beginning.  I had some posts written and waiting to be shared so here we go... 

*****

Well, we've started again.  And haven't told a soul.

Where to start the story of our first try for Baby W #2?

We knew we'd get the ball rolling in July or August of 2012.  But due to some family vacations, the ball started rolling faster than we thought.

I called our RE to ask for a prescription of Prometrium on Monday, June 25.  I wasn't sure how it would all go since I hadn't seen any bleeding since early May.  I stayed on Prometrium for 10 days - through Wednesday, July 4.  When I woke up on Thursday, July 5 I was bleeding.  Bright red and heavy.  I was beyond shocked!  Prometrium always took me the 7 to 10 days once I stopped the last pill to work.  I was a bit worried about the early bleeding, but when I called the RE the nurse told me it was normal, just as 7 to 10 days is normal.

Two weeks ahead of schedule we welcomed CD1.  The nurse scheduled my baseline ultrasound for CD2 since the office, while being open on Saturday and Sunday, those days are reserved for actual IUIs and IVFs, not just ultrasounds.  She then called in my prescription of Femara to start on CD3 and told me Freedom Pharmacy would be calling me later to set up my Ovidrel and Gonal-F injections.

Thursday afternoon I got the call from Freedom Pharmacy and dropped $640 on 1 Ovidrel injection and 2 Gonal-F pen injections.  This was all happening and while RCW and I were excited, it was definitely a bit surreal that we were ordering injections and scheduling ultrasounds!

To add to the craziness, my parents arrived for a long weekend on Wednesday, July 4.  And we had agreed to keep this a secret.  We didn't want people knowing when we would be finding out about a BFP or BFN so we decided to keep quiet, just letting people know we'd start trying again this summer.

So when I had an ultrasound in Cincinnati schedule for Friday at 9am, we simply let my parents think I went to work for my normal summer half day Friday.  They were none the wiser.

In Cincinnati, Dr. S. told me everything looked great.  That I had 3-4 antral follicles on my left and that my right side looked good as well and we were ready to move forward with Femara on CD 3 - 7 and Gonal F injections on CD 5 - 8.

Saturday, when Freedom Pharmacy came with our special package we simply told my parents it was something for RCW's job that had to be signed for.  Again, none the wiser.  I think having C in their arms helped distract them!

So here we are on CD4.  Two Femara doses down and gearing up for our first injection tomorrow night.

I go back to Cincinnati on CD9 for another ultrasound to see how I'm responding to the meds.  I'm hoping that we'll be taking things nice and slow, but that in the end we'll see the same response I had with C.  3 nice big 18-20mm follicles ready to make a baby!

While I am really not holding my breathe that we'll get pregnant again, especially from a simple IUI, I do have hope.  And that hope was renewed when I realized we started our meds on 7/7/12.  One year from the day that we were in Cincinnati on 7/7/11 and saw C's little heartbeat flickering on the screen.

We did it once and we're praying we can do it again!