Alright, Where Are YOU!?

Yesterday ended my 10 day cycle of Prometrium. Luckily I didn't have any more issues with the meds and I honestly think its because I started taking them at 7:30pm so they didn't interfere with my early alarm clock setting.

Now begins the wait.

What is worse - Two Week Wait or the wait for AF to possibly show? At this point in our journey I think its a toss up.

I can't wait til AF arrives so we can get this IUI show on the road! Hopefully a few weeks from now I'll be making the same statement about the 2WW!

You're Gonna Miss This

About a week or so ago as I was driving somewhere Trace Adkins song "You're Gonna Miss This" came on the radio. As I was singing along with the lyrics, tears welled up in my eyes. I've always been a cryer, but lately with all the hormones flowing through my veins I'm even MORE emotional. Its intense. Those lyrics hit me that afternoon.

A few of my fave IF blogs have recently touched on remembering to enjoy life despite riding the IF roller coaster. Its important to take advantage of sleeping in, late nights, spur of the moment excursions, no nap/feeding schedule to adhere to and those weeks when alcohol and other treats are permitted because you aren't on medicine or treatment cycles. So much of IF, even from the very beginning stages, sucks you in - mind, body, heart and soul. Its overwhelming and literally all encompassing. Your cycle, your meds, the future, questions, they all consume your mind and more than likely your hubby's too. All of a sudden, an exciting journey for a couple becomes complicated, stressful and a never ending series of pondering the future and what will come next.

In our own lives, I can't believe it's already been almost a year since we stopped birth control. 6 months since we started taking fertility medication. 2 months since our first RE appointment. So much time has passed and sometimes I feel like we're wasting these precious moments. We've tended to live completely wrapped up in the future where we have a baby in our arms.

Trace's song, along with wisdom from my blog buddies, made me realize, we need to cherish this time. We won't get it back. Once we are blessed with a pregnancy, our lives will change completely (and we do feel for the better!) and RCW and I won't be alone again for another 18 (possibly more, right mom and dad?!) years. As badly as we both want a child, I know the sleepless nights, dirty diapers, budgeted finances (and those are just the baby years, don't even get me started on thinking about raising teenagers!) will eventually pile up on us and we'll be missing our days of sleeping in and watching the DVR all afternoon with our only responsibility being to let the dogs outside and put food and water in their bowls. Its with this new mentality that we're trying to live life. Persevere through the IF roller coaster one day at a time and enjoy sleeping until 10am on weekends, enjoy being lazy with each other and deciding at the last minute to attend an all day music festival!

******

Last Wednesday night, RCW called from BFE KY (his jobsite for last week) to tell me he had received an email from Ticketmaster for 25% off Hullabalou tickets. Hullabalou has been a much hyped 3 day music festival at Louisville's famed Churchill Downs with 5 stages and headlines Bon Jovi (Fri), Kenny Chesney (Sat) and Dave Matthews Band (Sun). We decided to go check out Kenny Chesney on Saturday. We bought super cheap and decent tickets off ebay and RCW picked them up from the guy Friday morning. For us, it was definitely spontaneous! We headed out to Churchill Saturday around 2pm armed in minimal clothing (it was over 100 degrees thanks to humidity), water bottles and our camera.

We parked and made our way to the bar. Drinks for both of us. Mmmm, tasted like Kool-Aid. We enjoyed our first band of the day, local fave, The VilleBillies

After their set, I quickly realized I hadn't been in the sun enough this summer and was getting overheated. I felt like I was going to pass out and/or vomit. I WAS NOT going to be one of those people on the ER golf carts so we quickly got me some water and hung out in the Chill Zone - a 20 by 20 tent with fans every few feet that were blowing air and cool water mist. Also, from that point on I ate ice chips the entire rest of the day. I felt like I was preparing for all the ice chips I'm sure I'll consume while in labor. See, IF and the future - all encompassing! Also, I realized that while I love my hubby, I am totally jealous of his Filipino heritage. As others coveted space in front of the fans, RCW stood back in shorts and a button up shirt. He joked, I should have taken a picture and I should have! He never once complained he was hot and actually told me that standing in the Chill Zone tent near the misting water fans he was getting a chill. Made me so jealous!

After a few more bands (War and Ben Folds) we headed to the main building and had dinner in the a/c. Then headed to our reserved seats for the main stage headliner. Here we are with the main stage behind us. This was in between Sara Evans and Jason Aldean's sets.

While in our seats, I had major ring envy which quickly turned into life envy. That gorgeous and GINORMOUS diamond on the finger above belonged to a super cute pregnant lady who sat in front of us. As she chatted with her group of friends all night, we couldn't help but hear her life story. She has 2 little boys already, she stays home while her adorable hubby, who had his arm around her all night and left ever 30-45 minutes to get her a fresh bottle of water, works to provide for the fam. Not to mention they've just bought a 3 acre lot to build their dream home on. Seriously? How do RCW and I get that life?! I know, green doesn't look good on us!

Finally it was time for Kenny!! Best show ever! We both knew every song he performed. It was awesome.

And it was super cool to be at a concert at such a legendary location. Plus our seats were on the dirt track -right where the ponies race the KY Derby. Too cool!

Here we are with the Twin Spires behind us.

And I couldn't not show you what happens when you're stubborn and don't wear sunscreen. This was Saturday around 1am before bedtime. Luckily, the burn is almost all gone and in case you're wondering, no I'm not tan. Just back to pale white. While RCW continues to turn into the color of leather more and more each day. Again, his darn ethnicity compared to my German/English roots!

Whether you're on the IF roller coaster, you're a newlywed or you're still searching for the right partner/job/adventure just remember to enjoy it. Life is stages and as exciting and blissful as the next stage may be, at some point you'll miss the current stage so soak it in and try to enjoy it as long as you're in it!

spontaneous weekend - Kenny Chesney

I have a bigger post planned, but today I'm recovering. Recovery entailed sleeping in until 10am, getting up to eat some breakfast and take care of the girlies, then falling asleep on the sofa from 12:30 until just recently. Now its dinner time. I don't have the same partying abilities I had a few years ago, that's for sure!

Hope you all had a great weekend and I promise a much better and more detailed recap is coming!

side effects

I should have listed in my first post but common side effects of Prometrium are:

Bloating; breast tenderness; diarrhea; dizziness; drowsiness; dry mouth; fluid retention; headache; heartburn; irritability; muscle pain; nausea; stomach pain or cramping; tiredness; vomiting.

On my pill bottle one of the warning labels along with "Do Not Take if Allergic to Peanuts or Peanut Products" and "Read the Patient Information Leaflet That Came with this Medicine" is "May cause Drowsiness or Dizziness".

I was expecting to feel the effects of the pills on Day 1 which would have been Tuesday morning, but again, RCW believes it took time for them to really get into my system which is why I was effected on Day 2 morning, today. Along with taking them so late at night when I went to bed, but trying to wake up bright and early.

So yea, all the meds a necessary evil to hold our own little bundle of joy, but sometimes they kinda suck. Thanks for all the love and comments. I think this one hit me mentally/emotionally worse because I usually don't suffer from many side effects of medicine. Oh well, first time for everything!

drunk on Prometrium

I'm at home today.

Last night before bed, as the instructions state, I took 2 Prometrium. I was up late so I took them around 10:30pm. I climbed into bed, tossed and turned and per my Sleep Cycle app on RCW's old iPhone fell into a deep sleep around midnight.

This morning, the chirping of the alarm started at 5:50am. I didn't hear it. At 6:15am my phone started buzzing with a text from RCW (he was out of town for work). I glanced at it and texted back telling him I felt drunk and couldn't move, that I was more than just tired. In that moment I knew I couldn't go to work this morning, I was drugged up. I fumbled with my phone and it took at least 3 tries to get the number dialed in correctly to leave a voicemail for my boss (who thank goodness is also my friend and knows we're dealing with IF).

I would love to share what I left on her voicemail, but I honestly don't remember what the heck I said other than I wouldn't be in today until maybe noon. Then I rolled over and passed out until about 10am.

When I finally woke up, all was still not well as I found myself running to the bathroom. I've been running to the bathroom every 20 minutes or so since I woke up. TMI? Sorry, you know I like to be honest.

I texted RCW to tell him I was up, but still felt ill. His response via text:

"Indeed, ur txts were crazy, I knew u were totally loopy, I'm glad u stayed in bed and didn't drive!! :)"

Lovely.

I hung my head and emailed my boss (I couldn't bare calling her) telling her I was embarrassed but didn't remember what I left on her voicemail. My medicine had doped me up and that I was still feeling the side effects of my new medicine so I'd be taking the whole day off.

I have 8 more days of Prometrium. Thank goodness some of those are weekend days. RCW thinks the more I take, the more it gets into my system, which caused the reaction this morning when combined with the late night dose. Who knows. I'll be taking my day 3 dose tonight around 7:30pm in hopes of it not drugging me up tomorrow.

And this morning, while we still want a baby oh so badly, I'm also beginning to realize just how many drugs I'm putting into my body to get there.

Hi, My Name is Stephanie and I'm OCD

Because I like to be real and honest.

I spent about 30 minutes this afternoon creating a calendar to determine what weekends/week RCW and I may be able to head back to VA to see the family. We miss our adorable nephew oh so much and can't bare the thought of not seeing him until his first birthday in November. RCW is out of town tonight so I emailed him the following:

"Couldn't remember if you could open PDFs or not {on his iPhone} so its a PDF and JPEG attached. Look it over and then if you have questions I can answer them when we talk tonight."

My hubby's sweet reply:

"I can't decipher this without you, I'll wait till we can talk! XOXO"

Perhaps you won't be able to decipher this either, but as I opened up the image on my laptop tonight in preperation for our 8pm phone call, I had to laugh and thought to myself, my lovelies should see how OCD and crazy I can be.

Hopefully you can double click the image (and then zoom in) to see my OCDness in all its glory and yes, I know, feel sorry for our unborn children and send your condolences to my sweet hubby.

my butt and ladyparts got off lucky this time

Yesterday marked Day 47 since my last Provera induced period began. Holding up my end of the deal with RCW, I had waited patiently for 45 days to roll around before calling our RE, Dr. S and asking for a medical intervention to make 'her' roll back into town. I even waited until after work to call the office and leave a message with so much information anyone could steal my identity if it was intercepted by hackers, seriously...

"Hello this is Stephanie B-------------, that's B as in boy, ----------. My birthdate is 12/20/82 and my social is 123-45-7890. You can reach me at area code 804-123-4567. Its been 47 days since I started my last period. Dr. S said to call when it had been 30-45 days so I could start on Provera so I could have my first IUI. Thank you!"

Within 30 minutes of leaving my message identifying myself clearly for any and all, my cell lit up with a 513 area code number. I stopped my ellipticaling to answer. On the other end was Ashley, Dr. S' nurse. She told me that it was time to start medicine and to give her my pharmacy number and she'd call it in. I ran to the kitchen looking for a number to Wal-Greens, found it on the numerous pill bottles sitting on our kitchen window sill and recited it to Ashley. She asked if I was allergic to peanuts or peanut oil - um, no - and then told me I'd be starting Prometrium. I would take 2 pills every night before bed for 10 days and I should get my menses within 2 weeks. We ended our chat with her reminding me to call them when I start it so they can track me.

Last night after my workout and shower, but before dinner and the nasty thunderstorm that hit, I jumped into the car and drove the 15 minutes (both ways) to Wal-Greens. I was stupid - I gave Ashley the number to the Wal-Greens I use by my office, not the one by our house. Luckily, I want a baby oh so badly, I didn't mind driving literally back to my office and home for the 2nd time in 1 day. I felt compelled to start the meds last night and not wait one more day to get this show on the road.

The pills say they can make you dizzy and drowsy, but I didn't notice those side effects last night. We'll see what happens tonight.

Now you're probably wondering where the title of my post comes into play and its here...while doing some research this morning, I learned that Prometrium can be taken orally, vaginally or as an injectable. Yup, apparently at some point, it may be that I will need to take this medicine as a vaginal suppository or as a shot in my butt. I feel lucky that neither of those options are happening right now! I'll stick to swallowing meds as long as I can before going to other ways to put drugs into my body.

And PS: Couldn't Ashley have said period or anything else besides menses. I get it, its the correct medical term, but it just sounds a little too medical to me. Give me warm and fuzzy instead please. But instead I now have a pill bottle at home staring at me with "Take 2 per day at bedtime for 10 days to begin menses".

Ch...ch...ch...changes

I should be writing a paper right now debating that media content is poor and getting worse as opposed to good and getting better, but bluntly, I'M OVER SCHOOL. See a trend? I'm OVER a lot of things in my life right now. Perhaps that is a sign for a vacation, can we go on our honeymoon all over again this September, because, well, that would rock.

*****

Recently I met up with KJPugs from Ordinary in Indiana at our middle way point of Columbus, Indiana for a girl's night. We meet at what appears to be on the only place in Columbus, Indiana - BW3's - threw our diets to the wind and noshed on wings and fries and chatted for 3 hours about trying to get pregnant, sperm, birth control, bitchy girls from Indy (no one who is blog associated), crazy family members, dieting, exercising, Wii Fit, blogging and our next date. After all of that conversation, we realized it was sadly time to head home, but not before KJPugs enlisted a stranger to take our picture.

When I saw the pic, sorry KJ, I cut you out for comparison purposes, I realized we had the exact same picture from our last date in Columbus back in February. Currently, I don't see a difference in my weight. I see a difference on the numbers on the scale. But I still look in the mirror and see a big fat blob and know that those numbers are the scale are still WAY too high. But when I realized the two pictures were almost identical I decided to again waste time away from my paper to compare. Finally, I see a difference...

I did have to get RCW to confirm there was a difference before I would ever dream of posting it here for the world to see, but once he confirmed it, I felt secure enough to share. Again, I get it, I have a long way to go to reach my 1) possible decent baby making weight and 2) even longer way to go to reach my ideal body weight, but it was nice for me to see the difference. Its really only noticeable in my face, but that's better than nothing!

*****

I'm going back to my paper now, yes for real, but I do have some ideas of posts up my sleeve. I've felt inspired lately so while we wait for AF to arrive or Provera to be approved, I'll be able to (hopefully) keep you entertained or at least coming back to see what other boring things I have to say. Happy Weekend All!

This was suppose to be Almost Wordless Weekend...

As the title implies, time is flying past me. I can't believe its already the middle of July. Despite ending the fiscal year at work, things have not really calmed down. School is still intense - I feel as though I just finished 2 papers and 2 midterms, yet I have another paper/presentation due July 22 and August 1, along with my finals approaching on August 9. Mark my words, I will not be taking 2 summer courses simultaneously ever again. Besides the typical day in - day out, nothing note-worthy has been occurring in our world. We're still trying to lose weight, but I will admit I haven't been as strict the past week or so. I haven't even gotten on a scale since sometime last week and I haven't entered Calorie Count either - I know. (shamed face) I kinda fell off the wagon while my parents were visiting, but I'm still watching my portions, exercising and continuing to not eat crap (for the most part). In total and open honesty, I'm in a pretty dark and deary place currently. I thought things would get better in July with my year end goals behind me and midterms done, but that didn't really happen. All of that is for another post though, this post was suppose to be wordless and show the promised pics from our long July 4th Holiday Weekend. Oops. Better late than never, right?! Enjoy!

Babies are everywhere! The weekend started by seeing a new calf at the farm behind our house.

RCW & Daddy enjoying bourbon tasting at Woodford Reserve

We went to Marengo Caves in Indiana...

It looks liked Mars or some other planet. We learned people use to have square dances down there and high school plays. More recently, people rented the caves and got married underground.

The website says you can wear comfortable shoes. Other people, including children were wearing flip flops. About 1 minute into our 2 hour tour, I slipped on wet rock stairs and busted my toe. Yup.

Petriotic Dallas on July 4th! Sadly, she lost to a Beagle dressed like Lady Liberty.

RCW entered Loucie into an adoption story contest. He shared her story of rescue, but lost out to the Great Dane in the picture, Olivia who is blind and deaf. Olivia definitely deserved to win!

My adorable parents overlooking the Ohio River with Louisville's skyline behind them. We got to the restaurant on the river at 5:30pm for 10pm fireworks. But we had a great time eating, chatting, laughing and taking pictures.

Our July 4th pic via RCW's iPhone

Happy Independence Day! (Getting there super early totally paid off for this awesome view from our table on the deck!)

PS: For those curious about whats going on with my ladyparts...nothing. Absol-freakin-lutely nothing. Its been 42 days since the start of my last official Provera induced AF. And 29 days since my 4 days of bleeding which looked like AF, but RE and OBGYN assure me it was just post HSG bleeding. The RE wanted me to go 30-45 days without AF since our June 25 appointment, which would mean not calling him to start Provera until August 9, if AF doesn't come on her own. Given my history, I don't think she'll be visiting without some outside encouragement, and I'm more than likely going to call the RE on Monday, July 19 which will be 34 since my last bleeding (HSG bleeding) started. 34 was always the number my OB gave me to use when deciding to start a new cycle of Provera and well, I'd like to get this show on the road now instead of later.

If babies cost a lot of money, making babies costs even more

Should insurance cover a bit since blocked fallopian tubes aren't necessarily a strictly IF thing, perhaps. But, will mine, nope. Our first RE threw the ballpark range of $800 to $1000 out for the HSG. We had sticker shock, but we knew it wasn't that extreme. However, today as I logged onto MyHumana.com I saw the real deal, which was bit more than $800-$1000, a grand total of $1,653.55. Here's the breakdown:

RADIOLOGY-DIAGNOSTIC = $569.00
OPERATING ROOM SERVICES = $611.00
MEDICAL/SURGICAL SUPPLIES = $61.55
PHARMACY = $155.00
CATH & INTRO SALINE/CONTRAST =$176.50
HYSTEROSALPINGOGRAPHY RAD S&I = $80.50

The first four were billed together and the last two were billed together from the doctor who performed the HSG. 5 minutes, clear tubes and almost seventeen hundred dollars later. Le sigh.

A little of this...a lot of that

Taking time out for a brief update because I know I've been a bit MIA lately. At work, my crazy time is June 30. Its the end of our fiscal year and the day that I should meet my fundraising goals by. Not to toot my own horn, but I've never missed a goal and thankfully I didn't this year either. And just to give some insight for anyone who may care...in the 2008-2009 year my goal was $486,000, at 3pm on June 30 I had raised $493,000. This year my goal was increased by 4.5% to $508,000, at 2pm on June 30 I had raised $511,000. Yay! For 2010-2011, my goal is being increased by *gulp* 12.5%, by June 30, 2011 I need to raise $572,500. Yes, I'm a bit terrified of this goal as its a huge jump for a place that until I started in 2009 was only raising in the low $400,000s each year. Thankfully, even though I say "I" and "my" goals, I have an amazing boss who is also performance reviewed on meeting these goals so she is a HUGE help and mentor and our office team is great and we all come together to support the current 'goals' with whatever we can do. I could not do this without the help of my co-workers who make calls, send emails and support the fundraising efforts of the school.

Up next, summer school. I'm taking 2 courses this summer from June 1 - August 9, which means you guessed it, I'm in the middle of the semester. I had 2 papers and 2 midterms between June 28 - July 4. I got one paper back (87) and one midterm back (89). I just turned in another paper yesterday and my final midterm...well I studied tonight for about 3 hours and was about to log into Blackboard to take it when I realized they have weekly Friday maintenance from 10pm to 2am. I wasn't going to try and squeeze my midterm into 45 minutes when the professor allotted 75 minutes, so I'll be taking that tomorrow morning. Being the perfectionist I am, I'm having a bit of a hard time accepting B's right now, I've always gotten A's. My GPA is like 3.95 currently. BUT with work and all of the personal things going on in our lives, I just can't devote as much time and energy to studying and writing papers as I should/use to so I'm trying to learn to let it be. What matters is getting my degree. If I can get A's, fabulous, but if I get B's or even *ugh* C's it won't matter in the real world and its definitely not the end of the world. Again, I'm my own worst enemy.

You may ask what else could possibly be going on currently and your answer would be a holiday long weekend visit from my parents! They arrived yesterday afternoon and will be driving back to VA on Monday morning. They're staying in our guest room (of course) with their 2 pups. So our little house is currently holding 4 adults and 4 dogs. We went to a movie (The Grown-Ups, sadly I was left a bit underwhelmed, I was hoping for much more humor and belly laughs, but I did see a preview for a new movie, Life as We Know It, looks awesome, and of course it involved a baby) last night and today we went on a bourbon distillery tour of Woodford Reserve, a candy factory tour of Rebecca Ruth candy (it was all of like 15 min, but included free candy) and then had dinner at LongHorn's. Tomorrow we're going to the Marengo Caves and having dinner at Maker's Mark Lounge to start our Urban Bourbon Trail Tour. Then we'll be having family fun around town, including an art fair and possibly a Most "Petriotic' Pet Show Contest before fire works for July 4th.

Are you all as tired as I am after reading whats been going on lately?!

On the Baby Front - today marks day 31 of my current cycle and no sign of AF. But my face is breaking out something HORRIBLE, seriously, its never been this bad before and I'm craving chocolate so maybe she's coming or maybe I'm imagining symptoms. On Monday, I'll increase my Metformin dose from 1 a day to 2 a day. Its been working its magic on my stomach though, whether I take it with lunch or dinner its pretty much clockwork that I'll be waking up with cramps and pains around 3am for a nightly potty run at least once and often twice before falling back asleep and feeling fine until the next night. But it's also been helping me lose more weight - as of this morning I'm down to 252.2. That's about 7 pounds since last Friday, making my grand total weight loss currently 23.8 pounds. Yay!

I hope each of you have a lovely and relaxing long holiday weekend! I'll be back sometime next week with pictures from mine and, fingers crossed, news that AF arrived!