My Stomach Has Been Shifting...

Today marks 14 weeks and our entrance into the 2nd trimester. Woo hoo! The past few weeks have gone by quickly and then again, not so quickly at times. We have finally started to feel like maybe this is really happening and realized we better start to get ready! We've taken a trip to Babies R Us to get a registry welcome packet - where we saw just how much babies apparently need - talked with my boss about maternity leave (come on 12 weeks off!) and realizing as much as I hate it we need to start looking into child care. That's another post for another day, but can I just say how silly I felt applying for our unborn 1 year to enter the preschool on the campus where I work in March 2013. I found out it was important to get on the wait list asap and unfortunately the campus preschool only accepts 1+ year olds, not infants. So despite not having child care settled from June 2012 to February 2013, we're set come March 2013! Its craziness and I'm sure your response is much like RCW's, "Do we need to start applying to colleges too?!"

Anyway, to celebrate this milestone I thought I'd share a collage of the past few weeks of belly shots. Its a bit scary to look at them like this, but c'est la vie, I've always been honest here. And I swear to all of you, despite looking otherwise, I have not already gained 25 pounds! I've been watching the scale and I'm right on track fluctuating between having gained 3 to 5 pounds so far. So here we go...Week 6 through Week 13.

So you may notice I just look fat, yup, I do especially in my belly shot outfit of skin tight clothes. Three things I notice from these pictures: 1. I'm ready for the point where I 'pop' so I may actually look pregnant, 2. I wish I had realized just how flat my stomach looked back at weeks 6 and 7 and 3. did you notice that I chopped all my hair off?! You can't tell thanks to after work and dinner before bed photos with ponytails, but it happened between Weeks 10 and 11. You can see how short it is looking at the difference between Week 6 and Week 12/13 though! Its never been so short and while I don't mind it entirely, I am wishing it to grow just a little bit so I can put it in ponytails without a million bobby pins!

Lets end with a question....mommas, mommas to be or ladies who are much more prepared than I am...what else should we doing right now? We're beginning to look at what we need/want for registry items, I'm researching photographers for maternity and newborn shoots, we'll be taking child care center tours in mid-late September and a friend suggested we get on the ball with locating a birth class. Any thing else that I should be doing now instead of later? I have the books and I read them, but seriously, I don't know how people do this and are prepared without the help of other friends who have gone through it or are going through it too!

NT Results

Missed the call, but just listened to the voicemail.

Baby W does NOT have any increased risk for Down's, trisomy 13 or 18 or congenital heart defects. Yay! Obviously, these tests aren't 100%, but its a good indicator that we're having a healthy baby.

I'll be back later this week to celebrate entering the 2nd trimester by showing you my 'bump' which really just looks like I have gained about 30 pounds, not a baby, from Week 6 to Week 13.

Stay tuned!

Christmas in August

I don't do this often, but I know I've seen where many other bloggers are beyond ready for fall and winter - for spice pumpkin lattes (personally I'm craving the peppermint mocha), decorations and cooler weather. Yesterday, when I opened my mailbox I saw a tiny little box from OK and I wondered to myself, "What is this?"

Once inside I ripped into the little square box to find our custom ordered Husky Nativity set from The Pink Koala on Etsy.

I die over the cuteness!

This little, seriously each figure us only about an inch and a half tall, nativity will grace our home in a few months (along with our regular nativity scene as well). And knowing I have a lot of furbaby mommas who read this blog as well, I had to share it!

The whole thing is a bit pricey, $85 to be exact, but seriously, once you see it in person and if its custom to your pup (notice half have 2 brown eyes and half have a blue and brown) you'll fall in love and think like I did it was some of the best $85 you've spent! Also, I can't wait til Baby W is older and is able to play with this little set each holiday. I remember growing up loving to play with the nativity set at home!

Anyway, if you're a pup lover and Christmas lover you should splurge and get it for yourself like I did (Telling hubs after the fact, but of course! Luckily, he thought it was awesome seeing it yesterday too.) or add it to a birthday/Christmas wishlist for yourself! And although I may be the only one counting, remember, Christmas is just 119 days away ;)

**This post was not sponsored. All thoughts and opinions are my own. I was not reimbursed in any way for writing this. I just love it and wanted to show it off so badly to all of you! And give yall a non Baby W post for a change!**

What to post or not post on Fb...

If you're my friend on Facebook you probably noticed that RCW and I came out on the great social media networking site last night with our exciting news of Baby W. I was greeted this morning with an inbox full of well wishes. For someone who has been trying so hard and so long to get to this point, it was joyful! Especially, for someone who hasn't been secretive about our desire for a family, our fertility treatments and our losses.

Once I saw the response, I decided for our family members and friends I would begin a Baby W album on Facebook. I started the album with our ultrasound pictures and knew it would grow with nursery, baby shower, Baby W in real life pictures over the coming months. I know not everyone wants to see these pictures, but that's the great thing about Facebook. If it shows up in your newsfeed, you can scroll past. There have been many wedding, baby shower, vacation, random Saturday night, pet pictures, mobile uploads of a hayfield, etc...that appear and if I'm interested, I check them out; if I'm not, I move right past them. No big deal.

The album in question from my Fb wall.

As I scrolled through my newsfeed, I spotted this status.

Status in question.

I read the post and laughed to myself because when they wrote 'profile' I thought they meant your actual Facebook profile picture. Quite a few of my FB friends have their ultrasound picture as their profile picture. I actually commented on the status something along the lines of, "Hope you aren't hating too much on the new album on my page ;) But don't worry, I won't be making any of those pictures my profile pic any time soon!" A bit later, the status was deleted.

Que crazy hormones making me get worked up and upset. Was this person posting about MY ultrasound pictures - where profile didn't mean Facebook profile picture, but actual baby profile?! The person has since sent me a note saying it wasn't directed at me and they are happy for us and Baby W, so yes, pregnancy hormones aka what Jenny McCarthy calls Psycho Chick in her book Belly Laughs (a fun and quick read for the pregnant ladies out there) came out full force today and have me hanging my head a bit from my earlier tweet.

BUT.... all of this did get me to thinking...what is your opinion on ultrasound photos? Facebook friendly or not? What about other baby related pictures. For instance, I'm currently looking for a photographer for maternity and newborn pictures - bare baby bump, Facebook friendly (when tastefully done!)? What about adorable butt naked newborn, Facebook friendly? What's your opinion on what's fair game to share and what should be left to more private blogs and friends and family emails?

PS: If you want to be my Facebook friend and aren't going to make awkward status updates about my posts or albums, come find me and send me a friend request!

**UPDATE**

After reading My Vegas' comment this morning, yes I do know the sting of infertility and the pain that can come from seeing announcements and photos. Much like she mentioned I have used the 'hide' option on Fb before to block my newsfeed from getting pregnant couples updates. However, I think what made me most upset was this friend knew of our struggles, knew of our losses and had offered past support. It wasn't a secret to them that we were seeing a RE and going through treatments to try and get pregnant. The timing of everything was too coincidental, but perhaps the post really wasn't about me. I'm letting it go and moving forward. But My Vegas is right, perhaps this friend is also struggling silently with infertility issues, which I pray to God they are not because I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. There are two sides to every story and I was sharing my side, while also asking for the opinion from my lovelies when it comes to sharing too much on Fb.

I know many IF couples don't post on Fb, and while I'm not turning my back on the past almost 2 years of struggling and will never forget our losses and the cost (emotional, physical, financial) to get to where we are today, I also am one of those that doesn't want to miss out on what every other normal fertile gets to experience. It took me 10 weeks to even post on the blog that we were pregnant and getting through the first trimester to post on Fb. There is at least one moment every day where I question if this baby will make it to full term, will I go for my next appointment and find I've lost the little one. I'm certainly not trying to be a smug pregnant woman, but personally I don't want to hide the excitement and joy we're feeling about Baby W.

NT Testing

Baby W's momma has been up since 4am this morning. Lightening and thunder rolled across our little part of the world around the same time I had to get up for my early morning potty break. When I came back to bed, I had to fight for space from the pups and then as I snuggled back in between my pillows and my hubby, Loucie crawled in the middle glancing at the window as each bolt brightened the bedroom. I suppose she's just prepping us for toddlers one day in the not so distant future! Thus, I got up. And I hoped the early morning would help disturb Baby W's schedule and he/she would be awake come 11am.

But just in case, I grabbed a root beer and 3 Musketeers bar and chowed down around 10:45am en route to the OBGYN. No worries, the root beer was A&W so caffeine free and I only had about half and I split the candy bar with RCW. I wanted to wake Baby W, not jolt them from the womb with a sugar high! As many stories as I've heard about indulging in sugar prior to ultrasound for baby to be awake, I heard a couple from friends about getting too much sugar and baby not holding still for shots too. I wanted a happy middle.

And I got it. Per our tech, Baby W redeemed him/herself today and provided a textbook perfect example for the NT scan. Again, much like mommy wanting to be teacher's pet!

Here's the good stuff - Baby W's heartbeat was 164 bpm and he/she is 6.8 cm from head to rump. And while that is tiny, when looking in real life at a ruler, its also amazingly big, at least to me. Here is where I show you exactly how big 6.8 cm is with my trusty ruler!

And here are the goods...Baby W. I'm so spoiled by ultrasound pictures! I don't know how you fertile myrtles do it only getting a couple of pictures the whole pregnancy! But I guess I'll soon find out since my 2-3 week appointments with an ultrasound each time are coming to an end.

Baby W - 13 Weeks, 0 Days

Again, ultrasound photo dissection for those who can't tell. (Don't worry, if it weren't my baby, I probably would be wondering what I was looking at too!) But Baby W is laying on it's back and its a profile shot. His/her head is near the left of the screen, you can make out a bit of his/her profile and little nose pointing up. Pure adorableness!!

So, onto the NT testing. NT stands for nuchal translucency. Its a test done (per my OBGYN) between 12 weeks and 13 weeks, 5 days. Online there are different parameters starting as early as 11 weeks, so perhaps each OBGYN is a bit different in their standards, but it can not be done any later than 13 weeks, 6 days. NT testing screens for Down Syndrome, Trisomy 13 and 18 and congenital heart defects. We knew early on we wanted this testing done as soon as possible - not because it would change anything, but so in the worst case scenario we could be better prepared and educated. The ultrasound tech first measured for the nuchal translucency. Here is a better definition than I can provide:

The nuchal translucency (also spelled nucal translucency) is a collection of fluid beneath the fetal skin in the region of the fetal neck and this is present and seen in all fetuses in early pregnancy. The fluid collection is however increased in many fetuses with Down's syndrome and many other chromosomal abnormalities. It is called a 'translucency' because on ultrasound this appears as a black space beneath the fetal skin. It is this black space that you will see measured during the ultrasound scan.

Currently the most accurate non invasive test for detecting Down syndrome during pregnancy is the measurement of the nuchal translucency with an ultrasound between 11 to 14 weeks of pregnancy. This is normally less than 2.5mm and when seen increased (greater than 2.5mm) may indicate the baby has Down syndrome or may indicate another chromosomal abnormality. 95% of measurements will indicate a reduced risk.

source (image not Baby W)

Our tech didn't say anything, but RCW and I were both peering at our parent monitor and remembering the numbers that popped with her 2 measurements. NT #1 = 1.9mm and NT#2 = 2.02mm. Again our tech said nothing and we didn't ask, I knew I could Google later and I also knew those measurements really meant nothing by themselves. But as you can see from above, potential risks may be increased with a reading of 2.5mm or greater. Another source said, "An NT measurement of up to 2mm is normal at about 11 weeks, and up to about 2.8mm by 13 weeks and six days. The NT normally grows in proportion with your baby." So based on those findings from Dr. Google, I'm not worrying anymore. Can you all believe it?!

Once the tech got 2 NT measurements taken, she then zoomed in on Baby W's cute little profile, specifically his/her nose. Again, here is a better definition than I can give:

The nuchal translucency test will also check whether your baby has a visible nasal bone. In the past few years it has been seen that approximately 3 in 4 babies with Down's syndrome do not have a visible nasal bone at the time of the first trimester screening test. If the nasal bone is visible at the scan then this will reduce the chance of your baby having Down's syndrome. The view of the nasal bone should show three distinct lines: • The first two lines, are horizontal and parallel to each other, resembling an 'equal sign'. The top line represents the skin and bottom one, represents the nasal bone. • A third line, almost in continuity with the skin, but at a higher level, represents the tip of the nose. Occasionally the nasal bone cannot be seen at 11 weeks as it is too early in the pregnancy. If this is the case and this creates some concern then the scan can be repeated a week later. However if the nasal bone cannot be seen clearly but the nuchal translucency and blood tests are predicting a low risk result it is sometimes not necessary to see the nasal bone in every case.

source (image not Baby W)

The tech said nothing, but typed where RCW and I could see on the screen 'A Nasal Bone was Identified'. At that point, I didn't know what that meant. I assumed it was good, RCW assured it was since it meant Baby W was developing, but I didn't have a clue. Way to go me, not really being prepared for what was being looked at today!

After that she went on to measure Baby W - crown to rump, listen to their heart beat and track beats per minute and then got the image above for us to take home. Then I got to pull my pants back up and sit up to answer some questions.

She asked if I smoked, had moved states or countries since being pregnant, took 2 random prescription meds I'd never heard of and if RCW or I had any history of spina bifida in our families. Then she pricked the tip of my left ring finger and carefully placed drops of blood on a form in 4 different circles to be mailed out with the NT measurements. During this she informed us that I'm a bleeder and that was proven when she was done, gave me a swab to hold on my finger tip for a moment and then placed a band aid on my finger. As we were talking about results (they'll be here in a week and we'll get a phone call) I was still holding my finger, applying pressure and when I looked at it, I had bleed out everywhere. Seriously, blood was all over my hand and soaked through the band aid just from a finger prick. Lovely.

So now we wait - wait for our results to come by next week sometime and wait for September 23 to roll around for our next appointment. I'll be 17 weeks, 2 days by then. Insane. Speaking of insane, its almost been 1 year since our first IUI. I can't believe how much things have changed in that year, how many ups and downs we've gone through! And I'm sure next year at this time, I'll be saying the same thing for many different reasons!

12 Weeks, 5 Days

As is usual, my appointment this morning went just perfectly! I had worked myself up over nothing, again as usual. But after going through infertility and dealing with losses, it almost feels like I have to prepare myself. I need to make my heart, my soul, my mind acknowledge that nothing is guaranteed about this pregnancy. I've read too many stories and know one too many people in real life that thought their pregnancy was going perfectly, went in for a regular appointment and discovered things were not perfect. I know, its morbid, but I suppose its my own defense mechanism.

However, I must say, I am feeling fabulous after today's appointment! I hope this feeling stays with me, I don't see any spotting and we can make it until our next appointment on September 23 - yes, a whole month away.

Today started off by chatting with my new OB, Dr. N. She's amazing. I'm so happy we decided to switch and went with her and her practice. The practice is very small, all women and they will deliver at either of the large local hospitals - our choice. Not to mention, they provide an almost 100% guarantee that your doctor will deliver you. From here on out, I will only see Dr. N. - not another OB in the practice. And as Dr. N. mentioned today, if something crazy happens and she can't make it to my delivery, I'm in good hands - those of the women who delivered her own babies. She did reiterate that they don't have an on-call system for their practice so chances are good Dr. N. will deliver Baby W! Also, we found out today that Dr. N. studied with our RE's practice in Cincinnati and knows our RE, Dr. S. Love the small town connections that occur in Louisville. RCW and I both feel great about her being our OB! She also told us some of the do's and don'ts of pregnancy - being so well versed and OCD, I already knew them all. I did learn today though that I can stop taking Metformin - yay! Goodbye Metformin, thanks for all the fun times and for helping my ovaries make better eggs, but I'm not sorry to see you go.

After chatting, I had my annual pap. Never fun, but a necessary evil.

Finally, it was the time I had been looking forward to most - our ultrasound! And today, I really felt like I had graduated, no wand! An ultrasound on top of my belly. WOW! RCW and I weren't expecting that - novices, I know - so it was really exciting. Being 12 weeks, 5 days, we went into today's scan knowing we would be doing nuchal translucency testing. No matter what was found, it wouldn't change anything except allow us to be better prepared and educated. So the tech started trying to measure Baby W and he/she would not cooperate! I looked at RCW and said, "Obviously your genes!", while he smirked back at me, "Baby is stubborn, just like its momma!".

RCW may have a point there.

After the tech had me give a few hard coughs, lay on my side for a few minutes and pushed every which way on my belly and Baby W still wasn't budging, we had to give up. We got one good shot for the scrapbooks though...

Baby W - 12 Weeks, 5 Days

I'm sure most who read this blog are better equipped to read ultrasound images than I am, but just in case. Baby is vertical with it's head near the top. Its profile facing the left of your screen and its little arm is up - looks like he/she is waving or sucking their thumb (again, like their momma). And their little belly is poking out. So cute!

And for all interested - Baby W had a lovely heart beat. It was our first time hearing it. AMAZING. It was beating 175 beats per minute - I know, those old wives tales, perhaps its a little girl! Or maybe, today's high rate was a fluke. Even though Baby W didn't want to participate in the testing today, it was an awesome experience. RCW hadn't seen Baby W since 8 weeks, 1 day back on July 21, and boy has baby grown since then! Today was also the first time RCW got to see baby wiggling around inside my belly. Today was a memory I won't forget, sitting with my husband holding my hand watching our baby move around together, hearing their heart beat for the first, together. As RCW said, "I could've stayed there all day watching our baby."

And because baby was being stubborn, I actually get to see Baby W twice this week! Because we have a limited time frame for NT testing, I'm going back Wednesday at 11am to try again. Unfortunately, RCW can't make that appointment because he'll be out of town working that day, but hopefully we'll get another snap shot to show him of Baby W at officially 13 weeks. And hopefully with a later in the day appointment and me having some sugar prior to the scan, Baby W will be in the right position for the tech. I really don't want to wait until 16 weeks for the Quad Screening, although that milestone will be here before we know it!

Once we gave up on the NT Testing, I had to have some blood work done and then we chatted to the finance lady to learn the real cost of having a baby. I'll be honest here - with my insurance coverage, we will owe just the OBGYN practice $1,370. That does NOT include any hospital bills, that only covers a normal vaginal delivery and does not include any circumcision if we have a boy and choose to do so. I put this out here because as we spoke to the finance lady she spoke of my deductible, which is $1,000. At first she thought perhaps we wouldn't owe that much because maybe I would reach the deductible, but then realized my insurance resets on January 1, 2012 - baby is due February 29, 2012. Our practice requires prepayment in the 7th month or December 2011 and since the prepayment is for the event on February 29, 2012, deductibles don't matter. We'll probably hit it at the hospital and it'll do us some good there, but not with our OBGYN. RCW and I just smiled and nodded.

Finance lady said, "Wow, you guys are taking this really well! Most couples get upset at the cost or would be frustrated by the deductible and timing." I smiled, patted her hand and said, "You're talking to a couple who got pregnant using IUI right before turning to IVF and paying $30,000 to try and make a baby - these numbers are great for us!". I looked at RCW and he agreed, nodding and saying, "These amounts look fantastic and very manageable!". Finance lady just laughed.

Now, I know having a baby is expensive and we'll be making payments on this $1,370 and I really don't want to even know what the hospital charges will be, but it really is nothing in the grand scheme. We were seriously looking at around $30,000 for 2-3 fresh IVF cycles and 2-3 FETs that may not even result in a baby, if we were going to pay that just to try, we're happy as a lark paying a fifth of that to have our baby!

Once all that fun was done, we were out of there. It was a long appointment - 7:30am to 9:15am, but full of information and seeing our little one. Next up, Wednesday. Praying for an active Baby W come 11am!

Lets Get Caught Up in 1 Post instead of 3 or More

I'm going to go quickly through the next few weeks so we can all be up to date by Monday - our very first OB appointment. The basic gist from July 4 through today has been this: anxious, scared, not believing we're really pregnant followed by an ultrasound proving me wrong and a day or two of joy, happiness, bliss before the ugly thoughts crept back in before the next ultrasound. Seriously, its been a roller coaster.

Leading up to our first ultrasound at 6 weeks, 1 day on July 7, I wasn't too nervous because I thought we were indeed pregnant and this one worked for us. We drove to Cincinnati to our RE's office and as soon as the the lights were dimmed in our room I saw the little white speck that confirmed there was a baby in there. No blighted ovum this time! That day we even got to see the flickering of Baby W's heart. It was an exciting moment and I stayed excited and happy for a few days.

Baby W - 6 Weeks, 1 Day

But then, the anxiety of not knowing for sure what was going on and if Baby W was happy and healthy and growing got to me. The fact that I haven't had a ton of symptoms also bothered me. WHY wasn't I throwing up or getting sick? WHY wasn't I peeing every five seconds? WHY? WHY? WHY?

Finally, it was July 21 and time for our second scan at 8 weeks, 1 day. Today was the day I was suppose to 'graduate'. During our first scan, our RE told us if everything looked good at the next one we'd graduate and be released to my OB. It was a bittersweet day knowing we were moving forward in our journey! We arrived, dimmed the lights and there on the screen was Baby W. Again, we saw their heart beating away and were impressed with how big he/she had gotten in just 2 weeks. The bad part of this visit - I did not graduate. I was devastated and convinced something was wrong with Baby W. Our RE assured me everything looked great, but based on my history he wanted to see me back in 10 days for another scan. In hindsight, he was just being kind and checking to be sure everything was going to go smoothly, but on that day, I could not be convinced of such logic. With this visit, I didn't have an ounce of happy or joy. It was pure shock and irrational fears since I didn't graduate as promised.

Baby W - 8 Weeks, 1 Day

Following that visit on a Thursday, I woke up Sunday, July 24 spotting. It was the end. I crawled into bed and cried and didn't get up until Tuesday morning. For real. Despite the RE's nurse telling me that brown spotting was ok, it was good I wasn't having horrible cramps and what I was seeing was normal, I basically convinced myself I had lost the baby and had a missed miscarriage. Luckily, my 10 day follow up appointment was scheduled for Monday, August 1. After chatting with RCW and the spotting stopping on Tuesday, we decided to wait it out. If something had happened, there was nothing we could do so we would wait for our regularly schedule appointment. Let me say, during all of this, RCW wasn't Negative Nancy with me. In fact, he didn't even go with me to our next ultrasound because he was so positive Baby W was ok and he didn't want to use another vacation day for a trip to Cincinnati.

So, the spotting stopped, I was convinced there was a dead baby in my uterus and I drove to Cincinnati (again!) on August 1. Luckily, my fears were proven wrong. The scan showed Baby W had grown leaps and bounds from July 21. We could see its little head and arms. AND Baby W was wiggling around on the screen, shaking its butt as the RE poked around to get better views. It was SURREAL to see him/her moving around inside of me! And I must say, even though RCW missed out on this moment, I still had the RE and nurse to share in the excitement. I don't think they see a lot of babies moving around in utero, I think their ultrasound machines usually look for follicles and 6 week old babies. They seemed to be more excited than me, but again I was having a bit of an outer body experience seeing Baby W wiggling around inside of my belly. The nurse announced that Baby W must be a boy because he was being such a wiggle worm - our first gender guess, thank you Cincinnati RE nurse! Once our RE saw the progress, he gave me a big hug and announced that I was done with him and had graduated! This was probably the most exciting appointment I've had - even more exciting than seeing the little speck at 6 weeks.

Baby W - 9 Weeks, 5 Days

(we're almost caught up!)

As I drove back to Louisville on August 1, I called my OB to schedule my first OB appointment and talk about our NT testing since I was almost 10 weeks. Her first appointment was Friday, August 26! And the nurse I spoke with to schedule the appointment didn't know what I was talking about when I asked about NT or early testing. For real. I took the appointment, but when I got home I called another OB. I knew I wanted a new one anyway so why not start fresh from the very beginning, especially if it got me an earlier appointment?! I was lucky that I had gotten rave reviews for a new practice and the best review came from a Labor and Delivery Nurse who gave me insider info on local OBs, 'drop rates' and what to look for. I called her #1 suggested OB and while they were jam packed with new OB patient appointments, I could tell they cared. I could hear her looking through the calendar and she ended up scheduling me an early morning 7:30am appointment that isn't a usual appointment time because she knew I had to get in within the NT testing time frame. So yes, she knew what NT testing was - hallelujah! Thus, my new appointment is Monday, August 22. So, still just 4 days earlier than my original, but with a practice that is known and loved in the community and that won my vote by A.) knowing what I was talking about and B.) working to get me in!

The past almost 3 weeks have been a bit tortuous. That sounds dramatic, doesn't it? But seriously. I haven't had a check up to ensure Baby W is growing as he/she should for 3 weeks. And Tuesday night I had some light brown spotting - again. RCW told me its because baby is getting bigger. I hope he's right. My mind wanders in and out of the dark places on a daily basis. But again, since the spotting isn't constant, I don't have cramping and it isn't heavy or pink or red, we've decided to wait it out til Monday morning. I also didn't crawl into bed and cry this time, that's growth, right?!

Thanks for all of your love and comments the past few weeks, I had planned on going story by story, but I'm ready to be writing in real time. I didn't leave much out, just shortened the tales I would tell. Everyone say a prayer that Baby W is perfect and healthy come Monday morning and I'll be back with an update sometime Monday night!

One More Video...Telling my Mom & Dad

As the title implies, I have one more video. This is the last one, for now. We're not just picture happy people, but also video happy.

After we found out that our beta level was rising and doubling and we had our first ultrasound scheduled for July 7, 2011, we had to make a decision. To tell my parents when they visited over July 4th or not? We had many conversations about the pros of telling them face to face versus waiting until the ultrasound to ensure we had a baby in my belly. It was the night before they were set to arrive that we decided we would tell them face to face.

Then we had to figure out HOW to tell them face to face. We thought about decorating their room with streamers and baby shower type goodies. We also thought about painting Grandma and Grandpa over their bed since their current guest room will turn into the nursery. However, since we were so late in making our decision, we went with an old standby. We used our furbabies.

I made shirts for all 3 - Dallas, Loucie & Sonny that each said Big Sister or Big Brother and had a picture of my home pregnancy test and alarm clock showing the date and time. The girls wore pink and Sonny donned a blue shirt. We knew we were all getting dressed up to go out Friday night - their first night here. We had tickets to a night race at Churchill Downs on Millionaire's Row. RCW told my parents to stand together and he'd get a picture of them dressed up. Once they were in place, I let the pups dressed in their special shirts out from the bedroom and here is where the video starts...

My mom figured it out immediately, my dad, not so much. He was all about taking his picture in his cowboy get up instead of figuring out what the dogs' shirts said. But that makes it even more hilarious!

Betas 2, 3 and 4

After I told RCW the news that we not only had a positive home pregnancy test, but also a positive beta test, it was time for us to be cautiously excited together. Remember, we had been down this road before and February seemed not too long ago.

I had my second beta on Thursday, June 23. My numbers did not double. We went from 55 on 6/21 to 114 on 6/23. I was glad the numbers rose, but a bit disappointed they didn't double like every freaking website ensures they will for a positive pregnancy. However, here is where yet again in this journey I got into dueling doctors. My RE thought the numbers were fine and scheduled my first ultrasound for July 7, 2011. My OB (where I get my blood drawn in Louisville instead of driving to my RE in Cincinnati) wasn't impressed. My OB called me back for a third beta on Monday, June 27.

This time my numbers did double, but not within 48 hours. From Thursday to Monday or 96 hours, my numbers went from 114 to 275. We would have hoped within 96 hours my numbers would have been closer to 500, so again my OB called me back for a fourth beta test on Wednesday, June 29. We would know something definitive if the numbers didn't go up or be close to doubling at this point.

Luckily, my numbers almost doubled perfectly. We went from 275 to 547 (a true double would've been 550). With that high of a number my OB was satisfied and didn't request any more betas, although I wish she had! This was the one time I didn't mind the dueling doctors since it benefited my peace of mind. I liked seeing my beta rising, even if the wait for the call from the nurse was a bit of torture at times.

We spent a good week going through beta tests and wondering what would be. And at this point, we still weren't entirely believing all the hype. It was hard to be super excited and feel this was it after February when at one point I had a beta of over 14,000, yet wasn't really pregnant. I knew my body could be tricked and RCW and I both agreed we wouldn't fall in love with Baby W until we had that first ultrasound to make sure there was a baby in my belly! Luckily, after a week of betas, our ultrasound was just a week away.

Telling RCW

So before I tell you about beta #2, I need to tell you about how I told RCW. Once I got my bloodwork back on Tuesday, June 21 and it was positive, I knew I had to tell him. I wish I had some more ingenius idea, but since it was 2 days after Father's Day I decided on giving him a late Father's Day gift. I got home before him and wrapped up my home pregnancy test from that morning that read 'Pregnant' and printed out a pink and blue note that had my beta and progesterone numbers. I wrapped it up in a box in blue wrapping paper.

When RCW got home, he changed and I told him that I had been waiting for a gift to arrive for Father's Day and it arrived today! He was a bit thrown off guard, but went with it since I typically get him gifts. Of course I had to video the whole thing. Sadly, its a bit out of focus because I was trying to be sneaky and not let him know I was recording the moment.

Enjoy!

I think I did a good job surprising him, don't you?

When he opened the box, this is what he saw.

Once RCW knew, we still kept it a secret from everyone else for a while. Despite having a great first beta and a super high progesterone level, we both knew we had a long way to go before we would feel comfortable truly believing we were pregnant!

*Yes, RCW is calling me my pet name of Booty in the video. It was a one take wonder, true emotions so again, thanks for not laughing too much!*

Finding Out...

First, thank you all so much for your comments, emails, subtle notes on Facebook (since I'm not completely out yet!) and love. It means so much to me and RCW. I know how hard it can be to pop over to a blog and read that yet another lady is pregnant, I get it. I definitely have guilt issues and I still get frustrated at times when I see announcements. No matter where this road takes me, I know where I started. And I know that if we want to give Baby W a sibling, we'll be right back in Cincinnati doing this all over again more than likely. I appreciate your support - you've been there from the very beginning and I hope you'll be there til the very end. Thank you!

*****

Now, I want to go back and share the moments with you. I didn't keep a separate blog while this was going on, but I still remember the feelings and emotions so I think I can give a pretty good idea of what was going on from June 8 to this week!

Refresh your memories, IUI#5 with Gonal-F and Femara was on June 8, 2011. While at work on June 17, I went to the bathroom and noticed very light spotting when I wiped. I was scared. I immediately thought it didn't work and my period was coming. I had been nervous this whole cycle that we had missed ovulation. I was questioning the timing of everything - the HCG trigger shot, the IUI, our own natural tries at home. E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. So when I saw the hint of blood that Friday afternoon, I just knew we had indeed screwed up our timing, I was getting my period early like what happened with IUI#4 in December 2010 and we were heading down the IVF road. I think I peed about a million times Friday, just to see what I would see when I wiped. And each time, the toilet paper was tinged with light brown blood. Saturday morning I woke up, fully expecting heavier and more red spotting. But that wasn't the case, just another day of light brown. It was at this point that I began frantically Googling 'implantation bleeding'! Sunday morning when I woke up, it was gone. All day Sunday I peed and peed and nothing. Not a drop, not a hint. By this point I was leaning more and more towards Team Implantation.

Monday was the same deal - nothing. Not a trace. I told myself I would take a home pregnancy test on Tuesday morning if I woke up and there still wasn't any blood. I wanted to know one way or another. But I also knew that it hadn't even been two weeks since my IUI. Almost, but not quite. Our RE had told me not to test, but if I must not to do it until Friday, June 24. I tested on Tuesday, June 21. Yup.

I didn't tell RCW I was doing it. I had lead him to believe I was getting my period (sorry, honey!) I wanted to surprise him. At this point, I was convinced I was pregnant. I just knew it. And I wanted to have the moment all other fertiles get with their husbands, so I kept it a complete secret from everyone. I set up a video camera to film myself testing so I could share it with RCW later, if indeed it came back positive. This was a one take hit and the total clip is about 8 minutes long, seriously, I had the camera outside the bathroom door, gave an introduction, shut the door to pee, and then dipped the stick and waited it out rambling to the video camera. I'm not putting all of that out into the blogosphere, but here is a short clip that I cut out as best I could that showed the exact moment the lovely little Digital Clear Blue Easy read 'Pregnant'.

Enjoy!

So, let me start off - yes, we are Republicans. I hope that doesn't cause me to lose any lovelies. Yes, my shirt reads Elephants Kick A$$. That clicking you may hear in the background are the pups walking up and down the hallway wondering what the heck I was doing. Yes, I rolled out of bed and into the this real life video - I look a mess. It was about 6:30am on Tuesday morning when all this was going on. Yes, I cried, and I feel super vulnerable posting this for potentially all the world to see, but alas, I've always shared so why stop now?

As the video says, I did call my RE and they called my OB in town to have a blood test. I went in around 9am on Tuesday morning for my first beta. By Tuesday afternoon I had received confirmation that we were indeed pregnant! My beta was 55, which seemed low, but remember we weren't even 2 weeks out from the IUI yet. My progesterone was a rockstar - 35.9! It had never been so high before. Based on the high progesterone my RE and OB both were not worried about the lower range of normal beta number. They scheduled me to go back for a second beta on Thursday, June 23....

February 29, 2012

I have a secret.

A secret I'm sure some of you have already guessed from my absence. Or are you even still there? I hope so!

Its a secret that I thought I would share here long ago, but I was just never quite comfortable. And, honestly, I'm still not 100% comfortable saying it. But here goes nothing...

I am pregnant!!!

I feel blessed, thrilled, anxious, nervous, joyous, excited, apprehensive, ecstatic...and most of all its a bit surreal. I didn't know if this day would ever come for RCW and I. And in full disclosure, I worry every day that I'm going to have my heart broken into a trillion little pieces like I've never felt before. I'm a worrier by nature, but this is a new level even for me. That was part of why I haven't share this news with you lovelies. Its hard for me to even tell someone, like my parents, that we're pregnant. In fact, I didn't say the words to them myself. We had shirts made for the pups that announced our news while they visited over July 4th and when they asked, I looked to RCW to confirm. Its a strange place to be in, one that I'm sure many IF ladies who have gone on to pregnancy and motherhood can understand and appreciate - heck, I'm sure some of the non-IF ladies can as well!

But, as I crossed into week 10 - yes, 10 weeks - today, I felt the time had come to share our good news with the blogosphere. Or I feared, I'd be silent until posting a baby picture in 2012!

There are more stories to share that got us to this point, but for today, I just wanted to share our news.

We are truly blessed.

Please allow me to introduce Baby W with their latest photo shoot: Monday, August 1, measuring 9 weeks, 5 days.


Yes, my unofficial due date is February 29, 2012 or Leap Day. Our RE doesn't give official due dates and I haven't had my first OB appointment yet, but per everything else 40 weeks will be 2/29/12. Again, a bit surreal.